As I start this new blogging venture, I think about where my life is right now. It seems that there comes a time when one grows uncomfortable with ‘comfortable’. Where having ‘enough’… ok, it’s enough, but surely there must be more…?
In 2013, I made the conscious decision to LIVE. Prior to that, my husband and I had been trying to fall pregnant, so every decision I made went through the ‘potential-pregnancy-filter’. Every scrap of my time, and effort, and money was being invested into fertility. January 2013 came along and I’d just had enough of it. I decided not to care so much. I started drinking coffee again. Started heavy exercises. Enjoyed the occasional glass of wine. I took up hiking on the weekends.
I. Had. FUN.
Then, June 2013 arrived. My job underwent a major change, and the biggest surprise of all: I was pregnant!
Chuck out the coffee!
Cork up the wine!
Cancel all scheduled hikes!
No more strenuous exercise!
No more fun!
It was over. And it kinda feels like it’s been over ever since. The pregnancy was hard. Having a colicky baby for nine months was hard. Parenting is hard!
Its not that I don’t love being a mom. Fact is, I live for my child, she is the light and joy of my life. But I woke up last week and realized: how I miss 2013!
Everything I do at home, I do for my baby.
Everything I do at work, I do for my boss.
I’ve forgotten what it is to do something… for me.
I’ve spent the last eighteen months just getting by; surviving one day to the next, on just enough time, just enough energy, just enough of everything.
Its occurred to me:
I’m 30 years old.
I’m going to grow older.
And then I’m going to die.
We have a choice: get up and accomplish something, or have ‘just enough’ until the day we die.
No legacy; no story; no fun.
So my song for this year is One Republic’s amazing track ‘I Lived’. If you have the time, enjoy it here, and may you be inspired to pursue all those dreams that you keep putting off.